A Novel Experience.

This Blog is a Brother in Law Challenge. After many enthralling conversations about our youth I challenged David to write and co-write a novel. We will be blogging about our life from the 1st grade to the 9th grade. It will be unique in that we live on different timelines. David is a bit older than I (He got to see Neil Armstrong land on the moon...Lucky Bastard) so as David writes his story I will be writing mine. We chose the blogging format because of the ease of use and we intend on taking our dual blog entries and editing them into a book. We are counting on you our audience to keep us writing and telling the stories of our life's. Will this be an adventure tale of the truth or will we embellish a little? I am sure we will be more truthful than not but as you get older the mind does remember things a bit different.

Brother Dave is pictured on the left and Richard is on the right

Listen to this episode

Someone asked why this picture was chosen for the intro.  Seems reasonable to me.  I was wearing my favorite saddle strap boots - standard riding gear for the mini-bike days.  It was either boot-cut or bell bottom pants but this day required a a dust beating conventional leg.   Look closely. If you could only see
the hot ass woman holding the camera.  A friend of my Mom's, she's probably one of the women storied by Jeannie C. Riley's "Harper Valley PTA".  I'm gladly staring at the camera and trying not to get an erection.  And so goes the life of an early teen-aged boy in the Valley circa 1968.

Puff the Magic Dragon a Zither and the Temp is now 33 degree's Post #1

I can't imagine even uttering a word about first grade without a little background information. My father built us a house in Ferris Texas I know this because I got to ride on the backhoe when he was digging the foundation. Oh what fun that was ! The house a product of the era in which it was built. It had beautiful shag carpet that came with a rake. We used to love playing with that rake, hours of entertainment. My Mother wanting to show off her inner interior designer ran that carpet all the way up the wall at the end of the main hallway.
  Later in life she told me she just didn't want to waste the carpet and it did end up looking pretty cool. My father was a plumber and owned the Ferris plumbing company. While my sister attended kindergarden I got to go to the shop sometimes and hang out. The thing I remember most was it had the coolest Bathroom. What was cool about it you ask? Well it didn't have a roof ! The roof had long since crumbled in on itself and all that was left was a toilet which was on a concrete throne about two foot higher than the floor.... Oh .... and four walls of course it was a working toilet and I used to love to sit on it and look up at the blue sky. Mom and I would go pick up my sister (who is a year older than me) from kindergarden which was a Baptist church school in Hutchins. I would run around playing just waiting for her to get out of school. I would irritate  my dear Mother begging her to let me go to school she said I was too young and I would hound her about it non stop. The next year although only four years old my Mother finally gave in and away I went to kindergarden. Well I must admit it was everything I had hoped for. We got to color, eat snacks and had nap time.Let me set the scene......We where all a bit tired and the teacher (who I was in love with by the way) said ok children get your mats its time for a quick nap. Everyone got their mat and after some rustling around and a few giggles we laid there and listened quietly.......Then it started  .....Puff the magic dragon lived by the sea....... and frolicked  in the autumn mist...Then nothingness . Straight to sleep I can see that 45 record spinning right now if I close my eyes. Well not long after nap time the teacher would whip out the old zither you know kind of a small flat harp. Boy she really got into that thing strumming like crazy with her big bee hive hairdo rocking back and forth. That kindergarden was really something, That is until it was your turn to be the class weatherman. Yes the weatherman's duties were of vital importance to the ol gal. Upon arriving to school we would recite the pledge of allegiance, sing purple mountains majesty, the lords prayer and finally some poor sole would have to stand up in front of the class and give the weather report. I prayed when it was my turn it would not be 33 degree's see I just could not say thirty-three everytime it would come out of my mouth I said firty free. Well the day finally came for my turn at the weather and it was a cold one. I asked my mom what the temperature was and she slowly said t-h-i-r-t-y-t-h-r-e-e I looked at her in horror and said I don't want to go to school. She tried to comfort me and assured me everything would be alright but I still cried all the way to school. when it came time to give the weather I stood there petrified thinking all these kids are going the laugh till they puke. The teacher prodded go ahead sweetheart give the weather...... I said the Temperature today is......is..... seventy-six degree's she looked at me funny and I guess she knew right away I was lying cause of the sleet on the ground outside and the kids in sweaters but being the trooper she was she corrected me and said I think you mean thirty-three you are correct I said and everyone clapped. Thank god that was the only day it was thirty-three I could have kissed that woman for getting me (an obvious lier) out of a jam

You'll Shoot Your Eye out ! My first Pellet Gun Post#2

I don't think anyone would think of giving a four year old kid a high powered pellet gun today. I grew up in the era when times were simpler. I wanted a pellet gun very badly, we lived in the country the pastures and thickets were my playground. I was always dressed wearing chaps,spurs and cowboy boots (Fury was my favorite show)

Well one day my Granny pulls up in front of our house in a black Lincoln with suicide doors. She had a box in her hands and gives it to me and says Cot (everyone called me Cot like Cotton because of my white hair) here is your gun. Well I couldn't wait to go shoot it. My mom laid down the rules

1. Don't point the gun at yourself or anyone else
2. don't shoot at the neighbors cows or ducks
3. don't shoot into culverts it may ricochet and you will shoot yourself in the eye.

This is what I did as soon as i got free from prying eyes....

1. Look straight down the barrel to see what all the fuss was about
2. Took a couple shots at the neighbors cows. Boy could they run fast !
3. Found the first culvert I could out on the gravel country road. man that pellet sparked when it hit the metal and made the coolest noise. Just like the movies !!!

I am lucky to be alive I guess. I owned that pellet gun for 11 years until it would not pump up with air and the stock broke off.

How Walt Disney Hooked Me Up

When I was, well, you know very young,  a plague came upon me like locust through the Nile.
Sunday nights were reserved for the Wonderful World of Disney and that's how it all started. 
You see, Toby Tyler ran away from his orphan home to join the circus and although James Otis did a wonderful job penning the story, Walt Disney brought the adventure alive on TV.  I was a little too old or in the wrong generation to dream about running away to join the circus.  I had been to several low budget, canvas tent affairs and remember wierd acts and smelly animals.  But the story I watched that Sunday night introduced me to romance.  Yes, Toby Tyler was all about the allure of romance on the open road.  And one other.  He met a young girl.  So did I.  Fell absolutely in love and could not think of nothing else for weeks except the natural attraction I had for the little girl in the Sunday night movie.  To this day I still think about her and wonder who she really was - how she began her acting career and what sinister spell she held over me.  Some call it puppy love.  At 9, I call it Chance.  I thank Walt Disney for hooking me up.

The Mysterious Case of the Peeping Tom Post #3

 

When I was five my dad occasionally went off to Oklahoma to do plumbing work. That would leave Mom,my sister and me in the country with the nearest neighbor about two miles away. One night a terrifying thing occurred I was in the kitchen which was lit up brightly with a florescent Light. It was extremely dark outside and I thought I heard a noise. I went to the back door and looked out the window. There he was the scoundrel peering in on me and my family. I screamed "mom there is a man looking in our windows" Mom came running , moving very swiftly she made sure the door was locked and turned off the light. She peered out the windows and saw nothing. my sister and I where huddled behind her sniveling  and scared out of our wits. Mom says he's gone now. What did he look like ? I couldn't really remember but before i knew it i gave a description that lead my mom to believe it was a neighbor kid that lived two miles away. The next day my mother confronted his mother. I am sure he wished he would have never left his house that night when his mom got through with him..... About two weeks later while standing in the kitchen lights on and dark outside i peered out the back door window. He's back i shrieked!! My mom whirled around and saw it. The guy had an uncanny resemblance to me. In fact it was my own reflection looking back at us. Mom asked is this what you saw ? while pointing at the glass. I said yes and we all laughed the uneasy laugh of someone who just realized the jokes on them but also felt bad for the neighbor kid.

The Devil Made me do it!!

Oh those hot summer days in Dallas. When I was 4,5 and six I spent most most summer days at my best friends house. He always had the coolest toys and we always did the most dangerous things. His dad had build a shed in the backyard which had an electric cord running to it from the house (Roof to Roof). We were playing stay away from the devils hands. Both of us imagining in great detail flaming red devil hands rising from the ground. You had to stay off the grass to be safe. We went from item to item whatever was laying out in the backyard. Finally my friend found a ladder leaned up against the shed (what luck). We climbed to the roof of the shed and decided the best thing to do was to go hand over hand on the electric line so the devil hands wouldn't get us.We were thirsty and this was the best way to get to the back door for some KOOLAID without the devil getting us. We were about halfway home imagining the worst possible bloody red devil hands reaching up for us when his mother screamed out the back door. My heart stopped I swear. I thought a devil had gotten us. What she screamed was "GET YOUR BUTS OF THAT WIRE YOUR GONNA BE KILLED" We dropped to the ground immediately and with quick work of a belt she brought us back to reality. Seems the only devils in that backyard were the two hanging from the dangerous electric line.

Bottles and Ben Franklin

One of the great things about being a little kid is being innocent. When I was a kid there wasn't a child molester on every corner and you didn't see the creepy film about the guy offering two girls candy as they walked home from school until fourth grade. That being said me and my best friend used to roam the fields and ally's in Duncanville looking for bottles. You could take those bottles to the local Minyards grocery  and redeem them for 5 cents to 10 cents. That was our sole source of income. We would walk what seemed like miles and end up with lots of bottles. We would collect the loot and head next door to Ben Franklins five and dime. We may have only collected $1.50 but we left there with some of the coolest junk. I say junk because it would last the rest of that day and then be broken. After tiring of the toys we would head over to a new hamburger joint in the same parking lot as the five and dime. This place was called HONDO Burger named for Hondo Texas I remember this clearly because 1. They had the best burgers and 2. Because they had a picture of the "This is Gods country so please don't drive Through it like hell  ! "We use to laugh about that because the sign said a cuss word. My friend was allowed to say bull corn but my mom would not allow it language was a tricky thing back then because you were still young enough that if either one of you said something really filthy it would end with the other saying "ummmm.... I'm telling" followed by fifteen minutes of begging the other please....please.....please ...don't tell I will do anything.......then having to give up your one toy from the Ben Franklins that still worked. Yes those were the good old days. (we would have never really told on each other there is a code among hetherens )

Dude, no. This is serious. I just sharted.

You may remember the title of this post from the Along came Polly movie. It is a fitting line for this next story. I was in 2nd grade in Odessa,Tx. I had walked to school that morning with my tummy growling all the way there. It seems like when you want to be left alone that is when something happens to put you in the spotlight. I was sitting at my desk minding my own business when the P.E. Coach comes in and says I need four strong boys to help move a soccer goal. He pointed at me first. I didn't want to because of my tummy feeling awful but back then you did what teacher's told you to do. The soccer goal was very heavy and as I lifted my corner it happened.......yes liquid death....at least for a child you don't want other kids knowing you just crapped your pants...game over. So I did what any prudent 2nd grader would do . I told the coach I had walked to school and was supposed to call my mom and let her know I made it. He let me go to the office and use the phone. I didn't want the old beehive hairdo ladies to know what was going on so I whispered into the receiver "Mom come get me" she said why ? I said "COME GET ME" she said what is the problem? I said I had an accident in my pants ! she said she was on her way so I stalled going back to class telling the lady my mom was bringing me my lunch. When mom showed up she told the lady she was taking me home because I had an accident in my pants. I was so embarrassed how could things get worse? I will tell you how. Remember back in the day there was that little brown speaker that hung on the wall in your classroom well you guessed it that lady pushed the button "bong" and said "Mrs Smith Richard won't be returning to class he has Diarrhea !" I ran and jumped into the car my mom followed and when she got in I yelled Drive Drive! just like we had robbed a bank or something. The next day my classmates sang the words "When you sliding into first and you feel a little burst......diarrhea" Worst day of my life!